Today is the day I have decided to believe in my own dreams the way I have encouraged others to believe in their own dreams. As long as I can remember I have had one consistent dream, one consistent love and one consistent passion. Art. And yet…at the age of 48 I have done EVERYTHING ELSE but pursue my life as an artist with all of my energy, confidence and hard work. Don’t get me wrong, I have never stopped MAKING ART. I have been drawing, painting, collaging and constructing images almost every day of my life, while waitressing, teaching, owning my own retail store, parenting, traveling, drifting, dreaming and sleeping through life.
For the past week I have been visiting with my amazing daughter. Yesterday we got to talking about my business plans for the upcoming year. I starting throwing out all my ideas, various plans of consignment galleries, workshops, even part time jobs. In short my fear based plans stemming from the deeply embedded data in my brain spelling out: YOU CAN’T MAKE A LIVING FROM YOUR ART. I have opened and closed two successful retail stores, worked as a barista, waitress, bartender, teacher, social worker. I have two etsy shops, one for vintage and one for up-cycled clothing. I have trademarked brand names and been the subject of newspaper and magazine articles. And meanwhile I run home at the end of the day and sketch in my sketchbook or paint at my easel… usually giving away the products of the late night endeavors to friends and family.
In the middle of this conversation that began like so many other my dear daughter Candance says, “When are you going to start putting all your effort into yourself?” The question stopped me short. Being an independent woman making my own living (often through self employment) I thought I was, but after being asked the pointed question I thought about it… I worked hard for everyone, my landlord, my employees, my vendors, my consignment artists. Not that these people aren’t very important, but I was at the end of the list, and often, because of lack of time and energy, I fell off the list altogether!
So that’s it. No more excuses. I am starting today. This blog is dedicated to a new beginning, a new life. The one where I believe in myself wholeheartedly. Where I live my dreams without fear and follow the words of advice I preach to so many others, “To thine own self be true.” I will be sharing everything here, my thoughts, progress, past work, future dreams and even my mistakes.